Wakin’ To Bacon!
Wakin’ To Bacon!
By Rocco “Boss Hog” Loosbrock
What’s every Bacon Freak’s “Ultimate Dream” for bringing a long night of dreaming about one’s bacony bliss to a perfect, scintillating “BaCon-clusion?”
Well, how bout owning your very own “Bacon Cooking Alarm Clock!”
What if this “Bacon Cooking Alarm Clock” came in the shape of an adorable, smiling pig who happily, effectively and dutifully cooked up your morning bacon every single day of your life, waking you up just in time to eat your very favorite, savory, sweet and salty, sensuously sizzling gourmet bacon, cooked to perfection, precisely how you liked it?
Mmmmmmmmmm, I can already smell the sensuously seductive aroma of this tempting taste treat as I read these lines, can’t you?
Let’s face it; no one over the age of 12 ever likes to wake up to begin with, especially not to the aggressively annoying sound of the messenger from hell itself, the alarm clock. But here’s a friendly electronic cook who gently wakes you from your salivating slumbers with the “oh so deliciously delectable,” mouthwatering aroma of bacon cooking for YOU!
It’s like waking up on a Sunday morning to the smell of someone special cooking you your favorite breakfast and you don’t even have to get dressed before you start enjoying that epicurean extravaganza that starts the day off with a big ole’ happy squeal of absolute aesthetic ecstasy!
Here’s how it works. You place some of your favorite gourmet bacon in the “Wake n’ Bacon” alarm clock before you go to bed at night. Since there is the necessary 10 minute cooking time, the clock is then set to go off exactly 10 minutes before the desired waking time.
Once the alarm goes off, the clock will send a signal to a small speaker in order to generate the alarm sound. That signal is re-routed by a microchip that in turn, sends a signal to a relay unit that throws the switch to power two halogen lamp lights that lovingly slow-cook your bevy of bacon in just about 10 minutes.
This clock has been prominently featured by such media mainstays as The New York Times “Style Magazine” & ABC’s “Good Morning America,” so you know it gotta be gooooooood! 
Face it, being forcefully jarred from a pleasant sleep is physically intrusive, mentally torturous, emotionally scaring and spiritually debilitating, but in this modern world in which we find ourselves, it’s simply something that we all have to do some time!
People tend to develop a defense mechanism of ring reaction “Ding Dong Denial,” where they actually begin to develop immunity to their alarm clock, meaning they eventually just learn to build up a psychological defense mechanism that allows them to merely sleep right through the alarm clock.
Suddenly you’re showing up late for meetings, appointments, work or school, and life begins to take on an ugly, dreary feel to it. But wait just a pig-gone moment; nobody in their right mind is ever going to try sleep through a succulent serving of gourmet quality bacon, delivered right to their bed by a smiling electronic pig. … Right? … RIGHT?
So no more having to “huff and puff and blow” the door down every time you get locked out of a meeting that you are late for, NOW, you every day you are going to be “up and at em” with a full tummy of delightful deliciousness, offering a cheerful “OINK” to everyone you meet on the street, with your snout held high in the air, cool, calm, collected and confident because while you were a pig in a blanket, you just got served breakfast in bed.
Now that’s something to pick up my “Pig Pen” and write home about!
Signing Off and Pigging Out,
Rocco “Boss Hog” Loosbrock
www.baconfreak.com
Rocco owns and runs a Bacon of the Month Club called The Bacon Freak Bacon is Meat Candy Bacon Club as well as a Wine Club called the Coastal Vineyard Wine Club.
